Why "Toddlers & Tiaras" Represents Everything Wrong With This Country

Do you watch "Toddlers & Tiaras"? Of course you do. We all do. Maybe you've even seen this terrifying clip of aspiring beauty queen Alana circling the interwebs today.

Here is why I think these horrifying kiddie pageants represent everything wrong with the USA:

1. The little girls (and in some cases, boys, but let's not even go there) are given crowns/ribbons/trophies/puppies (!!) without any of them actually doing anything to deserve them. It's obvious to an outsider that the pageants are set up as money making machines, and by giving every single participant some sort of prize, it's like giving a crack addict a taste. They'll keep coming back for more. I mean, "Dance Moms" is kind of crazy, too (I love me some dance moms!) but at least when it's all said and done those girls are awesome dancers, which is something to be proud of. T&T represents the false sense of accomplishment that is running rampant in this country. That brings up something about T&T that I don't get. All the moms say they want their daughters to be Miss America, but haven't they noticed that there's a talent portion of the Miss America Pageant? The T&T girls just jump around the stage in weird costumes making faces like they recently suffered a stroke. C'mon moms - get little Cassadee some piano lessons or something.

2. The pageants teach that beauty is the only important thing. The moms love to say that beauty is important in this world and they know Briley, McKinzley, and Jayla will have a better life if they're beautiful, and that's their weirdo reasoning behind the madness. They're right that being beautiful is an asset, but it can only take you so far. If you're a total asshole, no one will care how beautiful you are. And I'm sorry but a giant wig, fake tan, fake nails, caked on makeup, and spangly dress does not make you beautiful anyway. Being a happy, well-adjusted person makes you beautiful, and these poor kids will likely never know that feeling.

3. This country is in the shitter, financially. People are living in tent cities and selling plasma until they faint just to buy a three-pack of instant noodles! The families on T&T are one bad day at the track away from losing their house. But does that stop them from buying $2000 custom pageants dresses for Paisley, BreeAnna, and Berkeley? It does not! It is their right as Americans to spend every last dime they have on pageants and if you think otherwise you are a Socialist!

4. Ok, my husband just asked me what I was blogging about and I said "How 'Toddlers & Tiaras' represents everything wrong in this country." He said, "Well, you watch it, so doesn't that make you everything wrong with this country?" He might be on to something.

5. These little girls are going to be fat when they grow up. Many of the moms are significantly overweight, which means it's very likely the kids will grow up to be the same way. They are quite literally feeding into the obesity epidemic and health crisis. Every time those moms pump their kids full of pixie sticks (apparently called "pageant crack"), Mountain Dew, Red Bull, and lord knows what else to keep them energized during practices and pageant days they are setting their kids up for a lifetime of health problems, and that is really, really sad.

6. Little girls dressed in hooker costumes. Enough said.

[photo: TLC]